How to gain faith?

all the people in my family are christians i used to be untill 4 yrs ago when my best friend died in a car crash i was 17 at the time, I want to belive in a god and heaven i'm not bad i don't want to go to hell, but I can't force myself to i've tryed it feels like i'm faking like deep down I just feel betrayed like there can't be a god if this happens, but if there is only a cruel god would do this. what should i do can i force myself to believe if i don't deep inside can i just be hypnotized or brainwashed i'll try anything..