Please help me get this straight in my head?

seems like you were already in a state of `can`t go forward` overwhelm, and tired and the sense to be able to fend off emotional , apart from sumission to physical enforcement, was not in action.It must feel terrible and many many of us, sadly, have also been there.Many without the savvy to use the net as a starting point to recovery. And it is very very important for you now that you`ve been so brave as to ask how to manage your confusion, to find another human being to ist you in getting your boundaries intact again.the Samaritans are good listeners and you can remain anonymous til you have such a nasty and personal trauma in a manageable perspective.then talk with a therapist if you can.you can choose some help to never accept such behaviour again. He had absolutely NO RIGHT and it will take some working through.Remember YOU ARE OKAY and get better emotionally x just start talking to someone until you cen face the issues x and keep going, Please.til you are happy - it really IS your right, to be happy.Take Care. x